a note of thanks

Thank you to the i.PH support team for addressing my concern (see previous post) quite promptly! I'm happy knowing that whenever I have issues or problems with my blog, I can always count on these guys' help.

One more reason to love i.PH! ü 

???

I changed my template three times from Transparency to Candy. After the page reloaded, nothing had changed. Everything was the same.

What the heck.

Maybe this is my punishment for being so fickle. Ü

sick

It's funny how little things band together to leech the life out of you.

If it's just one or two of them at one time, it isn't so bad. But when they all come together and swarm over you like a pack of vultures intent on roadkill, it's a wholly different story.

My eyes are punishing me. Or is it the other way around? My blasted astigmatism has been hounding me of late. Last Friday night, I had a helluva migraine. Luckily I always carry painkillers with me. But painkillers offer only temporary peace.

My perception of the world grows weird. Like in a scary Neil Gaiman short fiction novel. Or Edvard Munch's The Scream. Let me explain it with a quote from Wikipedia:

In some cases vertical lines (e.g., walls) may appear to the patient to be leaning over like the tower of Pisa.

And that offsets a bunch of other little things, in domino effect. Walls now seem to lean over me. Enter the claustrophobe. Palpitations abound, and a tendency to hyperventilate hovers around the corner. I have only had one full-on panic attack so far, and I do not care to repeat the experience. It's not very nice to feel that you can no longer breathe.

Today I feel like my heart is racing away from me. The world seems unstable, and the floor feels like it's going to dissolve right under my feet.

I don't feel like eating and food tastes weird in my mouth. My doctor would probably be glad about this, though. We're currently in a contest as to which of us would lose more weight by the end of the month. Her workout instructions were 30 minutes, 3 times a week. "And use the stairs!" she said. But darn, I'm so apathetic when it comes to gym workouts. I prefer sports, like a good game of volleyball or badminton.

Drat! Bloody hell, I wish I was feeling better today.

the reckoning

I haven't been blogging enough lately.

I've been afraid, afraid that I could no longer find the precise words on my own, and my writings will be nothing but mediocre.

Afraid that I could no longer find inspiration.

That when I try to delve into my thoughts, I will find only senseless chatter. And beyond… a dark void, a bitter chasm separating me from the masterpieces that I seek.

Alas, the writer grows silent.

I contemplate the filmy cobwebs that now adorn the once resplendent recesses of my mind. Spiders have chased away the visions in my head, it seems.

Where now is my muse? I am in need of an epiphany!

Behold, I am speechless. But only in passing, this I vow! This fleeting intermission will meet its demise, and I shall conquer the words, reclaim my visions, and rise again.

On this day of reckoning, inspiration will find ME.