today’s musings

i’m listening to Coldplay’s The Scientist right now and getting really bored, so I figured it’d be a good time to take a break and write something.

there’s a really lovely line in this song that never fails to get at me: tell me you love me, come back and haunt me.

when you love someone, and you’re not loved back, and you know that there really is no chance that that person’s ever gonna return your feelings…why do you still hope? i mean, you look at him, whether he’s far or near or you just picture him in your head…you still say tell me you love me. but it isn’t gonna happen! why torture yourself?

*sigh*  i’ve been there lots of times. and i still do it. and sometimes, when you finally admit you can’t have him, the sight of him is enough. and when he’s no longer there for you to look at, even the thought of him is enough. come back and haunt me. more likely, you haunt yourself with thoughts of him. *sigh*

Hoobastank’s The Reason is now on, and those lines — I’ve found a reason for me to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is YOU — are even more painful for me. I mean, I’d like to be able to sing that song to someone and mean it. More so, I’d love to have someone say those words to ME. To know that I am loved enough to change someone’s life.

Oh well, since that doesn’t seem likely at the moment, I’m just gonna enjoy my music…and SING! Hehehe.

I believe in staying positive. I do get my really down moments, and my occasional bouts of depression, which are quite poetically stimulating, actually. But I always channel them, and by learning to channel them I helped myself survive. Then I can still smile and be happy with myself. There’s still a lot to life that I haven’t explored, and however painful it may sometimes be, life’s still precious and I will hold on to it. No more suicidal dreams (except for Silverchair’s song, which I happen to have).

I like the song that’s now playing…Warning by Incubus. It talks of positivity, of living life to the fullest. Something I’m trying to do these days.

Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly
Count your blessings, seduce a stranger
What’s so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness yeah…

Over and over and over and over and (ooooooh)

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning
Don’t ever let life pass you by

I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it’s made illegal
When will we learn? When will we change?
Just in time to see it all come down…
Those left standing will make millions
Writing books on the way it should have been

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning
Don’t ever let life pass you by

Floating in this cosmic jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
To the water starting to boil
No one flinches, we all float face down

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don’t ever let life pass you by…
Pass you by…