wake-up call

Don't you just hate it when those silly horoscopes actually strike a chord?

Says my horoscope for today:

What are you afraid of Stephanie Martine? You are afraid of something in your contact with other people. It's as if an invisible piece of rope was tied around your waist in order to hold you back from getting closer to people, or worse, it makes you step back! What is this all about Stephanie Martine? You're going through a period that is closely linked to your past. A failed relationship is still haunting you and is casting its shadow on the current one. Get rid of those skeletons in your closet!

Did I leave some skeletons in there? Damn! I always bury the people I kill!
I wonder whose they are…

one epiphany…

Things happen for a reason, they say.

And I think last night did.

I left the office around 8:30 after finishing up the batch I was working on. Now I’m from Mandaue, and the usual route for us when going home from Cebu City is to take the 21B jeepney, which goes like halfway around the city before actually reaching Mandaue.

I have not been taking that route lately. I find the ride too long and the way too far. So I go another way, even if it means I have to take three rides to get home, because it only takes half the time of the 21B route.

So anyway, halfway to Foodland, Banilad, I suddenly remembered that I’d been craving for silog, and that there was a 24-hr tapsilogan in Banilad. I hadn’t had dinner yet, so it would be perfect.

I got off at Foodland, and started walking to where I recalled the silog place was. I must’ve walked about a third of the whole length of A.S. Fortuna street (take note, this is a very long street) before I found it, realizing in dismay that I had grossly miscalculated the distance of the frickin’ damn place. I thought it was only a few meters from where I got off.

But well, I got there at last, ordered cornsilog, then sat down and berated myself for being so frickin’ stupid. And while I sat there being angry at myself, a sudden idea popped in my head.

It just popped out of nowhere, like a blinking yellow bulb hovering over above me. A sudden epiphany. The key that I’d been searching for so I could finally start working on this story idea that’s been nagging at me for days. The whole plot just began to unfold before my mind’s eye.

And later on, a thought jumped out at me: Did I have to walk all that way just to be at that particular place in that absolutely particular moment in time just so that idea could safely unfurl in all its glory inside my head?

Things happen for a reason. The possibilities are endless. Do you believe? =P

currently listening to…

MAKE YOURSELF
by Incubus

If I hadn’t made me,
I would’ve been made somehow
If I hadn’t assembled myself,
I’d have fallen apart by now
If I hadn’t made me,
I’d be more inclined to bow
Powers that be, would have swallowed me up
But that’s more than I can allow
Bow yeah, bow yeah
If you let them make you,
they’ll make you paper mache
At a distance you’re strong,
until the wind comes
Then you crumble and blow away
If you let them f*ck you,
there will be no fore-play
Rest assured, they’ll screw you complete
Til your a** is blue and gray
You should make amends with you
If only for better health, better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try, and make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
If I hadn’t made me,
I’d have fallen apart by now
I won’t let them make me,
It’s more than I can allow
So when I make me,
I won’t be paper mache
And if I f*ck me,
I’ll f*ck me in my own way
Pow! I’ll, f*ck me in my own way
Pow! I’ll, f*ck me in my own way
Pow! I’ll, f*ck me in my own way
F*ck me in my own way
You should make amends with you
If only for better health, better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try, and make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself

haunting stories

Last night I got home real tired and hungry, and as soon as I’d changed into house clothes, I settled down for dinner in front of the TV. I kept switching channels, trying to find a good movie or show, when I chanced upon one that got my attention, The first person I saw on the screen was Tom Hanks. A really thin, sick-looking Tom Hanks talking to Denzel Washington. PHILADELPHIA!!!

My favorite Tom Hanks movie next to Forrest Gump, and I realized I hadn’t seen it again in years!

So there I was, stuck to that channel, watching scenes unfold between Tom and Denzel and Antonio…awed by Tom’s deep, haunting portrayal and entranced by Antonio’s sexy accent…never mind Denzel. =P

And I cried buckets of tears. Dang.

And there’s this beautiful haunting song played at the end of the movie that really got to me — Philadelphia by Neil Young.

After the movie was over I switched channels again, and what should I chance upon this time around? Wicker Park. Just in time for the climax and conclusion, too.

You know, Diane Kruger is pretty, but I find Rose Byrne more…appealing…and intriguing. I like her beauty. I like the conflicting strength and sensitivity mirrored in her face.

By the way, both women were also inTroy. Diane played the famed Helen, and Rose played Briseis. Yeah she got to have some hot scenes with Brad Pitt, and she was in my favorite part of the movie — where Achilles dies in Briseis’ arms as Paris rains arrows on him despite her frantic screaming.

And speaking of Troy (now I’m jumping around but I’ve started and I can’t stop), I always thought it funny that the center of the story was supposedly Helen but she never really did anything there. Well if you really think about it, Troy is based on Homer’s Iliad, which is not about Helen. It is about Achilles, though the Trojan war itself started because Paris stole Helen away from Menelaus…or if you read Greek mythology…it started even waaaay back…to a vengeful Eris, Goddess of Discord.

The movie wasn’t really that great, despite the hype and the big names and Brad Pitt in a skimpy skirt-like costume. It was a hit internationally — probably because of the sheer fame of some of the cast — but it flopped in the US. I really didn’t like the way they got rid of the Olympians involved in the story and just focused on the mortals. What is the Iliad without the Olympians? What is Greek mythology without its gods and goddesses? Some key characters were also missing; I particularly missed Cassandra. And there wasn’t just Briseis, there was Chryseis too. Troy fused them all into one character.

*Sigh* I love the Greek myths, and I wish they’d make more movies about them. With all the glory of the gods & goddesses, of course. =P

—————————————————————-

PHILADELPHIA
by Neil Young

Sometimes I think that I know
What love’s all about
And when I see the light
I know I’ll be all right.

Sometimes I think that I know
What love’s all about
And when I see the light
I know I’ll be all right.
Philadelphia

remembering tibak-ish days

Menger posted something not too long ago about Hoobastank’s Born to Lead and how it reminded him of good ol’ tibak days…and suddenly I began to remember those days, too, and how it was all fun and scary and invigorating all in one.

And three more songs came to mind.

The first is one of my favorite tracks off Incubus’ A Crow Left of The Murder album (hmmm actually they’re all from this album) — Talk Shows On Mute. It’s not a very obvious activist song, but it does have a lot going on between the lines hehehehe.

The next one would be Megalomaniac, which quite obviously has currents of activism in it, and which made Menger no longer like Incubus as much as he used to hahahahaha — because it reminded him of those…dark days. (Oops sorry menger!)

The last one…Incubus fans would probably have guessed this by now…is Pistola. My pen is a pistola. What could be more obvious? And I can relate to that line too, (and I’m sure you can, Menger!!!) I was a student writer and activist. Oh yes. The good old days of ranting and raving at the Admin, writing flaming words and painful truths!

I do miss it sometimes.

Pistola

on the tip of my tongue
an offensive is poised and rearing
my intention: a bullet
my body: a trigger finger

yeah!
and my pen is a pistola
they call me a fear, fear you,
yea my pen is a pistola

It may not have too many lyrics, but it sure does get the message across.  

show me how to love you

For lovers of classical music, here’s a beautiful piece from the one and only Sarah Brightman, featuring Jose Cura. This is one of my really favorite tracks to listen to, especially when I’m serenity-searching. Hehehe.

Just Show Me How To Love You

SB:
Tu cosa fai stasera?
Rimani ancora un pò
sarà quest’ atmosfera
ma non mi dire di no
Per farti prigioniero
qualcosa inventerò
ma che bisogno c’era
di amarti subito un pó

JC:
Questo giorno è una pazzia
ma la luna è amica mia
se ti resta un sogno da buttare via
soli in mezzo a una città
Solo amici e poi chissà
Poi non basta mai
tante cose da dirsi
e baciarsi e capirsi e stringersi
poi non basta mai
si fa tardi ma dai
dove corri a quest’ora?

SB&JC:
Just show me how to love you
Io non ti lascio più
gabbiano di scogliera
io sto una favola e tu?
Just show me how to love you

SB:
Fame o febbre o quel che sia
mi ci sento a casa mia
dentro questo sogno da buttare via
non mi sembra vero ma
sembra un’altra la città

JC:
E non basta mai
tante cose da dirsi
e baciarsi e capirsi e stringersi
e non basta mai
é già tardi ma dai
dove torni a quest’ora?

SB&JC:
Just show me how to love you
E ci ridiamo su
gabbiano di scogliera
ma dov’êri nascosto’
dov’êri finora?

SB:
Tu cosa fai stasera?
ci ridiamo su
magari un’altra sera
ed è già domattina
e la luna la spegni tu!

Being in Italian just makes it all the more soothing. Even though I don’t understand Italian. LOL. I’ll be uploading it in my Multiply site soon, so other can share in the beauty of this song.  

monday musings

hmm. been wanting to see a movie lately but couldn’t think of any… and after reading menger’s blazingly sentimental review of The Lake House, i remembered that i had been wanting to see this film since the trailer got out, and i just haven’t found time. damn. if i’m gonna miss it this week, guess i’m stuck to buying the dvd. *sigh*

come to think of it, why didn’t menger tell me he was gonna go and watch it??? i could’ve just gone along. hmm, menger? what have you to say?

damn, why did it never cross my mind to just watch it alone and to hell with the world? hmm, i guess i was scared of crying in the cinema hehehehehe. i’m a keanu reeves fan, and especially fond of the keanu reeves-sandra bullock teamup since Speed days…

by the way, i seem to remember a local movie with a sort of similar theme…i think that was Moments of Love, where two people from different times found each other for some reason through an antique phone(?)…but one lived in 1957 and the other in 2006. don’t know much how it was really, i didn’t watch the movie, only the trailers…

hmm…i wonder if Lake HOuse is still showing? i’m suddenly itching to watch it…i just found out the story was written by a Pulitzer prize-winning author…definitely worth it.  

when will it be?

Unstoppable
by The Calling

Come and lay right on my bed,
sit and drink some wine
I’ll try not to make you cry
And if you get inside my head,
then you’d understand
Then you’d understand me
Why I’ve felt so alone,
why I kept myself from love
And you became my favorite drug
So let me take you right now
and swallow you down,
I need you inside

CHORUS
If we had this night together
If we had a moment to ourselves
If we had this night together,
then we’d be unstoppable

Do you think that this is right,
or is it really wrong
I know that this is what we’ve been wanting
And all this burning in my soul,
it fills up to my throat
It fills up ’till my heart is breaking

(CHORUS)

Now, we can both learn
Somehow, you’ll see it’s all we have
Love, it keeps us together
And I need love

When I wake up without you,
knowing you’re not there
I’m only feeling half as good
Well I’m gonna find a way
To wrap you in my arms,
you make me feel alive

CHORUS(x2)

weekend blast

So many things happened last weekend, I just can’t help but blog about them.

Day 1 - Saturday the 10th

The Bigfoot closing party, where I got drunk. *lol* (but if you ask me, i really wanted to get wasted, though NOT in the office) There was free-flowing draft beer, and these guys goin’ round with pitchers refilling every glass that looked even just half-empty. For some reason I never declined every time any one of them offered to refill my glass. I don’t at all remember exactly how many glasses of beer I downed that night. When my perspective began to change (meaning the world had begun to sway), I knew the beer had hit home, and since I still had to get home to Mandaue, I had to stop drinking. So I graciously refused one of the waiters who came up to me waving his pitcher of beer. BUT the minute I turned away from that guy, Rexy was there refilling my glass! I looked at the full glass and went waaaaah! inside my head, but still drank it anyway. The world was very definitely unsteady by then…I went up to the 8th floor to let the tipsiness pass…and went bumping along on the way to the cr. But to make the long story short, after several trips to the cr and fun conversations with other Bigfooters, the dizzy sensation passed and I thought I was myself again.

So I left Bigfoot at around 11 or so and joined my friends over at Numero Doce in Mango Square. I flatly refused the bubbly Red Horse they offered.

After more conversation, lots of shuffling around, merging tables, and meeting acquaintances & other people…I felt that queasy feeling in my tummy. Now I definitely had to go home. I said goodbye to my friends, grabbed a taxi, got home quite safe just as my eyes started to hurt & a headache began to set in, and gratefully hit the sack.

Day 2 - Sunday the 11th

Woke up around 8 AM. Wanted to go back to sleep and skip sign language class, but I’d promised Kris I was going to attend. Class starts at 9, but I got there at 9:30. The classroom was nearly full, and I had no choice but to get seats at the back. Kris was even later than I was, but it didn’t really matter coz our teacher was late as well. When he finally walked in the door, Kris and I were like, Oh no!

Our teacher was a deaf-mute. The real thing. Which meant we had to read his signs, and sign back if we need to talk to him. We didn’t review our signs before coming to class, and we could only remember a few, so it was kinda funny and frustrating at the same time.

Day 3 - Monday the 12th

It was Independence Day, therefore a holiday. I got to wake up late, around 11 or so. This was an interesting day really. Two things happened. One — my sister and her boyfriend announced they were getting married. I wasn’t in the sala with them, so I wasn’t there for "the moment". I was outside washing my clothes. I’m 25, my sister’s turning 24 in September, and she’s getting married before me. I don’t even have a boyfriend. *sigh* Well, when it comes, it comes. Marriage is far from my mind right now.

The 2nd thing that happened: The Great Flood. LOL it wasn’t anything drastic really, but there was a thunderstorm that night. Rain & lightning & thunder pelted this part of the world, and filthy, stinky water flooded our house, the whole house! We had to scramble for the wires and other electrical stuff, managing to get them off the floor before we got completely flooded. It barely got an inch high before it receded as the rain mellowed down, but hell it left behind a whole lotta frickin’ dirt. What made that particular mess funny were my 2 siblings, my little sister and baby brother, who were screaming at the water while keeping their hands glued to their ears (to keep out the loud thunder). Here’s one little funny exchange…

     Little Sis: I hate this country! I want to live in America so there’s no storm!

     Me: They have hurricanes in America.

     Little Sis: Well, what place doesn’t have storms or thunder or lightning or flood like this one?

     Mama: You can go to Antarctica, there’s snow all year round.

     Little Sis: I hate this planet!

And to cap it all off, from my little sis: This is the worst Independence Day ever!

Ah, kids. LOL!

the june look

So, dy'all like my blog's new look for june? XD

i wanted something different this time, something that really showed or reflected a part of me, and so i decided to give in to my love for the moon and night…a laud to the goddesses Selene and Nyx. ^.^

May was generally a fun month for me. of course i had some really really pissed-off moments, but the highlight of the month was actually Bigfoot's first ever sportsfest.

in the past years Bigfoot's been known for its really huge summer outings. the first one i ever joined was in May of 2003, just a little over a month after i was hired. some 200 or so of us went to Bantayan Island, lugging bags and booze and lotsa camera equipment that had the other ferry passengers staring curiously at us. we were there for 3 days and 2 nights, occupying adjoining resorts in the pristine town of Sta. Fe: Budyong and Kota. predictably, there was some very heavy drinking going on, especially since everyone had been allotted 5 bottles of beer each. the non-drinkers promptly gave away their beer stubs. add that to the booze that nearly everyone had brought along. it was a whole spankin' booze-fest. after our drinking session, my companions and i went and just settled ourselves on the very wide sandbar. looking up at the night sky, with the fresh ocean breeze and the stars above and the sand under me…that was one of my most serene moments ever. too bad there wasn't any moon.

during the summer of 2004 the number of Bigfooters had nearly doubled. this time we went to the then-new San Remigio Beach Club. we had some ballgames and stuff, and i played
volleyball and table tennis. i didn't really get to enjoy it very much — except for the drinking. i didn't get to go swimming or splashing around, not in the sea nor the pool. beer was abundant as usual, though. and it was more fun than the previous year because i knew more people and had made several good office friends. and i got drunk. bdot gave me a
shot of absolut vodka, after i'd had 3 or 4 beers, and i took it straight. wow, the world just started spinning and i felt like i was walking on the moon. janice left me in our room; i was out like a light.

then guess where we went in 2005? the same old San Remigio Beach Club! they said it was the only place that could accommodate us all. oh well. i got to do some pool-swimming this time around, we even played charades inside the pool. the drinking and the karaoke were perhaps my best memories of this outing. i was with another department by that time, and a lot of my friends from the past year's outing had left the company, so i was more or less with a different group. i remember we started with rum coke after lunch…and then smirnoff vodka later on that night. can't remember what we drank it with, though. what i do remember is lenin's transformation as he slowly began to get drunk. i don't think i'll ever forget that. we were chatting as we kept drinking (and what an interesting conversation that had been) and he just got more spirited as the night wore on and the vodka diminished. i
remember karen saying she thought lenin was getting angry. XD karen had stopped drinking by then, but lenin and i were still at it, and i don't recall who else…probably ronald…i'm not
sure about the other girls. finally we were down to like, half a bottle of vodka left, when jimbo and nilo joined us with some left-over tequila. and i was like YEY TEQUILA!!! i totally disregarded the vodka and finished off the tequila with the boys LOL. then lenin started to complain, and said i was supposed to finish off the vodka with him…my head began to swim…and when karen and the others left, i did too. lenin was like, stef where are u going??? and ronald said stef are u going na?! and i went i'm getting dizzy na! so i went back to the room, and man was i drunk. i remember thinking why the hell it took so long for me to reach the table when it was no more than a few feet away, and trying not to hit anyone while i crawled onto my mattress, which also took so long for me to do! trang laughed at me when i woke up the next morning with a frickin' headache.

but this year there probably won't be any of those stuff anymore for me. instead of an outing, we had a sportsfest. still, it's a different kind of fun for me. i got to play my fave sport — volleyball — and had a great time doing it! we played some frickin' good games, if i may say so myself. i didn't do so well in table tennis, but hey i still had fun. and i also got to dance in our cheerdance contest last May 12. all in all, i liked the sportsfest idea coz i got to know a lot more people, i had such fun practicing, not to mention the all the exercise i got to do dancing and playing…

now this saturday's our closing ceremonies. there's gonna be lots of beer again…so we'll see if i'll have any more drinking tales to tell.

Now, go away.