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Home » Archives » May 2006 » Page 3
sneaking off to post a line or two
May 9, 2006I’ve just consumed a cup of cafe mocha. I haven’t had coffee in a while, but I was feeling so damn sleepy I thought I was gonna nod off right in my seat. I figured I needed some strong coffee. So I went and stretched my legs out a bit, and then grabbed a cafe mocha at the coffeeshop.
Perhaps I should’ve gone for espresso, huh? But I’ve never tried coffee that strong before. I’m not even sure now if that cafe mocha was altogether wise. I’m feeling a little strange…strangely giddy. Like there are butterflies in my stomach. Damn. It must’ve been the way I drank down that coffee. I gulped down more than half a cup in like 2 minutes flat. If I’d had espresso, I’m not sure I would like what I’d be feeling right about now.
I just hope this doesn’t lead to another splitting headache. This morning I had this frickin’ migraine, it felt like someone was trying to cleave my skull open with a dull tomahawk (lol what a picture). I had to grope around for some painkillers, thankfully found one, my very last one at that. I’d just finished texting Janice at the office that I was gonna be late by an hour or so, and was resting my throbbing head so the painkiller can settle in and do its magic, when my landlady called out from the door. "Steph," she said, "clean out your cabinet ‘coz someone’s gonna come take a look at the room."
F*ck. I wanted to scream and raise hell. Instead I had to settle for muttering vile curses under my breath. Last week I had told her that I will be moving back to our house in Mandaue, but that I’ll be staying in my room for one more week. My moving-out day was supposed to be this Sunday, May 14. So why the hell was she making me clean out my stuff when I’m still good for 5 more days?! To top it all off, she was making me do it on a work-day, and just when I had this godforsaken migraine threatening to split my head in two!
Tonight I’ll have to go home to Mandaue because I can’t sleep in my bed in my rented room as it’s now full of all the stuff that was previously in my cabinet. Geez.
quiz addict
May 8, 2006| Your Little Black Dress Is |
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| Your Sexy Sandals Are |
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| You are a Rocker Girl! |
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 If you don’t have musical talent, you’ve got a talent for picking out great CD’s. Music rules your life - and you’ve got the best MP3 collection of anyone you know. Many guys find you intimidating, but a select few think you’re the catch of a lifetime. Start hanging out in more used record stores, and you’ll find love with a fellow rocker!
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by Garbage
I would die for you
I’ve been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you’re mine
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You’re just like me
Throw away all the pain that I’m living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I’d do time for you
I would wait for you
I’d make room for you
I’d sink ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
‘Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you
another sunset
May 5, 2006
Here’s a shot of the sunset from Camotes. I took it using a cheap point-and-shoot camera, so quality’s not really that great. I’m just glad that turned out all right, although I really wish I’d been able to bring my Nikon SLR with me. But since something went wrong with it just a day before our scheduled trip, I had to leave it behind. I’d almost forgotten; I’ve gotta bring it back to the shop for repair. I just hope I don’t have to replace some parts, there isn’t any Nikon service center here in Cebu! 
My model, by the way, is my friend Mhuyhen’s friend and/or co-worker (somehow I never got that clear). It was low tide and we were wading around in the water trying to find something interesting and hopefully get some nice shots, and we made Rhoy perch on top of that rock.
I must confess I did some post-work on this. There was a small rowboat some distance behind Rhoy, and the effect it gave looked like he had somethingjutting out the side of his head. So I totally cleaned out the rowboat. Thank heavens for the amazing clone stamp tool. 
I’m starting to get really impatient to get myself a digital camera, preferably one with a macro mode. Macro photography is my thing these days. I was so frustrated last Monday — I was browsing camera shops in Ayala Center, and discovered that Colours photoshop got a promo going for a Canon A410. They were offering it at deferred payment thru credit card, where you pay only 832-something a month. I got excited, but found that I needed to have the whole 9K+ in my balance so I can avail of the promo. Damn. I almost had that frickin’ A410 in my hands! My fingers were absolutely itching to click away. Now I’m gonna have to wait and look for a shop with easy installment terms.
if only
This is a prose piece I wrote for my deviantArt gallery. I’ve just submitted it to Writers Unknown, one of my dA clubs, as my official submission for May, for the theme "What makes you cry?" It’s sort of a mature romantic piece, so I guess I should put up a sign saying PANYANG’s ADVISORY: MATURE CONTENT…? 
P.S. It’s only MATURE and NOT explicit, all right?
–**–**–**–**–**–
When I got home, you were waiting.
I opened the door and you were there, your sexy smile lighting up the room like sunshine in a land long bereft of summer. You were bare-chested, clad only in a pair of comfy cotton slacks, and you came up to me and effortlessly lifted me off my feet.
We spun round like two giddy little kids, and I laughed in delight. When we stopped, you held me in your arms for the longest moment. I felt the sinewy muscles of your bare arms, the comforting strength of your chest, and was safe.
Safe…warm..and loved.
Then you kissed me. Sweet, long, and lingering. I kissed you back with all the love, the hope, the longing deep within me. Everything I’d kept bottled up inside, I poured into that kiss, and I knew there was no turning back.
(Please click on "More" below to read the rest…please? )
just a few scribbles
*These were meant to be lyrics. Oh well. I don’t know. Right now they’re just scribbles.
– Just a Fool –
I can’t sleep for thinking of you
You haunt my waking hours like
a restless ghost parading before my eyes
and when I sleep you are
the nightmare that hounds my dreams.
How is it that I can’t forget?
Do you mock me for my cowardice,
for the things I left unsaid?
I should have said more,
should have shown you what I felt inside.
Maybe we could have had something.
Something… before you went away…
I’ll never know how it feels to call you mine,
never hear you say "I’m here, don’t cry…"
I’ve lost you ‘coz I didn’t take the chance.
Now I’m just a fool with endless dreams of you.
– Long Walk Home –
walking home to my apartment
i watch the cars speed by
people rush to get from one place to another
but not me, i’m just goin’ home
to an empty room
walkin’ home to fall into bed
and dream of knights in shining armor
everyone’s oblivious
no one really sees
what is life to you?
there’s no one you can please
walking home to my apartment
i watch the cars speed by
and i wonder if there’s anyone in it
just like me, drivin’ home
to an empty room
drivin’ home to fall into bed
and dream of saving damsels in distress
the world can be so tedious
and society’s a disease
but what if love finds you?
would you go down on your knees?
back in my apartment
i gaze out the window
out there is someone
as lonely as i am
find me now, find me here
find me…
the mad girl’s love song
The Mad Girl’s Love Song
by Sylvia Plath
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell’s fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan’s men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you’d return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
It’s funny when I find pieces like this, poems that show me that somebody else had felt what I feel, gone through what I’m going through, and written about it far better than I ever could.
I once told my best friend that I could only write good poetry when I’m sad and depressed. And he told that it was the same case with him. I guess when we’re happy we’re just…too happy to write…
Some of the best writers suffered from depression, a few eventually ending their lives. Sylvia Plath gassed herself. Virginia Woolf drowned herself. And it makes me wonder…if they had been happy…would they have written the poems and stories that we now read? Would they have been as great?
so much for titles
Sorry, I couldn’t think of a proper title.
OK. I think I just totally lost my train of thought. Shucks. Anyways. Let me just type on and maybe something will come of this.
Oh! By the way, I’m turning 25 tomorrow. 25. Twenty-five. God, I’m old! 0_o That’s so funny. When I was like, 13 to 14 years old, I always thought I’d get married by 25. When I was in grade school I thought that was a good age to get married. Brrr. I can’t even imagine myself getting married right now. I mean, I can see myself in a wedding gown and all…but I can’t see the whole thing. The big picture. No faces. No groom. *sigh*
I guess there are still a lot of things I want to do for myself, dreams to fulfill… Of course, I want to fall in love, and be loved, and share thoughts and feelings and dreams and the works. Right now I’m feeling just a tad lonely.
Back to my birthday. A guy I work with asked me what I wanted for my birthday last year. I told him I wanted flowers. He gave me a look and said, "Be serious." And I answered, "I am serious." What the hell, can’t I want flowers on my birthday? I got 18 yellow roses on my 18th birthday from my friend Yoki. Since then nobody’s ever given me flowers on my birthday. I’m a sentimental girl. I WANT FLOWERS!
Hold on. One of my favorite songs is playing — I’m Still Here by Vertical Horizon. Hmm. I like this particular song’s lyrics. I wanna post them here. You don’t have a choice.
I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can’t say
So if nothing else
I’ll just hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive
The cities grow the rivers flow
Where you are I’ll never know
But I’m still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who’s gone
And I’m still here
I’m still here
You’ve seen the ashes in my heart
You smile the widest when I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I try to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place
But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be
The cities grow the rivers flow
Where you are I’ll never know
But I’m still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who’s gone
And I’m still here
Maybe tonight it’s gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today it’s gonna be okay
I will remember
I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered
And I wanted you to come and make me whole
Then I saw you yesterday
But you didn’t notice
You just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive
The cities grow the rivers flow
Where you are I’ll never know
But I’m still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who’s gone
And I’m still here
The lights go out the bridges burn
Once you go you can’t return
But I’m still here
Remember how you used to say
I’d be the one to run away
But I’m still here
I’m still here
"If you were right and I was wrong, why are you the one who’s gone and I’m still here?" — I love this line. I can so feel this line. How I’d love to say this to someone right now. >=)
i won! i won!
May 2, 2006I just wanted to say that my poem won 2nd place in PoeticPath’s Mythical Creatures contest.
My sincere thanks to all those who voted for my piece!
Oh, and here’s my piece, hope you like! 
-Ü- Disenchanted Muse -Ü-
Light as a feather falling onto earth,
her feet glided on the soft, silent grass.
Softer than the whisper of butterfly wings,
her gentle voice weaved in and out of
my memory.
Fair as a pure-white rose she was,
shining with a radiance truly ethereal.
Fairer even than a goddess, they say,
her beauty a potent potion that was
her downfall.
Safe in her dark, enchanted forest,
she sang glorious songs for me.
Safe, we thought, but not safe enough.
My lady’s famed beauty could not escape a
goddess’ wrath.
Now she sits weeping amidst the trees,
her magic gone, her songs no more.
But she is not alone, this fairest of ladies.
I weep with her, and I shall die with her…
my disenchanted Muse.