musings on muzik and faith

I’m feeling a little blank. I wanted to write something, any kind of prose or poetry piece, and my mind just…stayed blank. Damn.

Right now I’m listening to (and watching) Josh Groban Live at the Greek concert. He’s singing My December as I type this line. There’s a beautiful part in this concert that I absolutely love: Lucia Micarelli’s violin performance of Bohemian Rhapsody. The sound of her violin and the sight of her as she plays music on it is enough to blow one away. Plus, I happen to love the song.

I watched The Gospel of Judas last Sunday on National Geographic Channel. For those who do not know, this was about the discovery of a codex believed to be containing the only surviving copy of the lost Gospel of Judas, which talks about the "real" relationship of Jesus and Judas Iscariot. In this gospel, Judas is portrayed as a hero and the only disciple who understood who Jesus was, that he was Jesus’ closest disciple, and that he did not in fact betray Jesus because he was chosen by Jesus himself to make the sacrifice of handing him over to the authorities so his mission can come to pass. More info on this at the NGC site: http://www9.nationalgeographic.com/lostgospel/

The words written in this gospel is definitely CONTROVERSIAL in capital letters, since it more or less "confirms" the beliefs of some people that Judas was actually not a bad person and not a traitor. Well, I am Christian, and more so, I am Catholic, but I admit to an open mind. I am not shocked nor repulsed by this discovery of the lost gospel, because I have long considered the Bible and its gospels not as true accounts, not to be taken literally…but rather…as a source of inspiration and guidance by taking note of the meaning or the essence of the stories and not what they say word for word.

With so many words being said, so many stories being written, so many teachings being taught…who can remember? who can say "This is the truth."? Not unless one can say "I was there when it happened" can we really give credibility to a story, and even then, we cannot truly say it is truth unless we ourselves were there and saw with our own eyes, heard with our own ears, touched with our very own hands.

Faith versus doctrine. Most of the time I find myself going on pure faith. Living on faith sans doctrine, now is that wrong? I am but human. Teachers and writers of doctrine are but human. Humans are imperfect.

I prefer a more personal, deep, heart-talking-to-heart relationship with my God. I do not want to listen to sermons of what is right and what is wrong, when lately they have become so laced with politics and intrigue. I go to church to talk to my God in his place of honor, not listen to a human preaching concepts that may have been influenced by something other than faith. No, I am not generalizing that all men of the cloth are no longer worthy. But I have become picky. Who wants to go to Mass, ready to truly worship, only to be bombarded by dire warnings and rantings not directed at me at all. I want to hear about me. I want to hear about all the good things my God has in store for me, how much he loves me, so I can look up at his image and tell him I love him too. I don’t want to leave the House of God feeling worse than when I came in.

Am I religious? I do not know. Is being religious going to Mass every Sunday, lighting candles at altars, participating in every procession of every saint’s feast day, or walking the length of the church aisle on my knees? Is it putting substantial amounts in the offertory basket, to "help" the church and the needy?

But am I faithful? To this I can say yes in full confidence. I have kept faith, and will continue to do so. I believe in my God, that Supreme Being, that Higher Power…I believe. And I surrender to him alone.

Surely by these admissions no one can say I have damned my soul to eternity in hell. Who has that right anyway? Only God can decide that, not us flawed humans.

P.S. Ah, now my mind is no longer blank.