hurry up & get here

This is going to be a long post.

I haven’t really felt like posting lately, though I’ve got tons of thoughts I’d written on paper these past nights when I couldn’t sleep.

But tonight I was listening to my mp3s as usual, and one of the songs ultimately prompted this post.

Don’t you hate it when songs strike home so hard, it hurts? Sometimes a song gets to me so bad, I immediately go into an instant mood swing the moment I hear it. The moods would range from being royally p*ssed, sadly pensive, to being downright depressed — depending on the song, of course.

Well tonight my mood has switched to being sadly pensive, so much that I feel like drowning in thoughts and memories. All because of this song:

Love Song For No One
by John Mayer

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I’m jaded
I hate it

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
(get here)

Searching all my days just to find you
I’m not sure who I’m looking for
I’ll know it
When I see you
Until then, I’ll hide in my bedroom
just staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You’ll be so good
You’ll be so good for me

(more…)

reminiscing

Last night on my way home, I heard a voice that I’ve sorely missed hearing around the office.

"Martine!"

Only one person ever in all of Bigfoot called me by my 2nd name. Jai.

I looked around and spotted him sitting with a group at one of the tables outside the downstairs coffeeshop. I waved, and he waved gaily back.

"How are you, girl?" he asked me, and all I could say was "OK" with a little laugh. I wanted to say "I miss you" but didn’t want to be misinterpreted by the people he was with.

I am very fond of Jai. I like him very, very much, not in the mushy, romantic sense, mind you. I like him as a person, as a friend, as an uber-fun guy to be with. He was one of those male friends you can hug and cuddle and make beso-beso with in the strictest platonic fashion.

Seeing him then made me reminisce old times and recall all the friends I had who were like him — my bros in the community, my kuyas in the ministry, all the good guy friends I had from high school to college…

I miss cuddling up to a guy knowing that my actions will not be misunderstood, to seek comfort in a guy’s arms without fear of malice, to make lambing and pa-cute without getting conscious or discomfited or embarrassed, and simply receive genuine friendship and companionship.

I miss all those friends, and all those times.

(more…)