pardon me

I am probably the most discontented blogger ever. I’ve changed designs at least 4 times in 3 days. Forgive me for getting so restless.

I think it has to do with my mood swings. One time I like what I see, the next I totally loathe it.

Oh well. I’ve got to stop changing & changing somehow.

On to another topic. My friends and I are going on a Camotes adventure this weekend. I say adventure because we’ve never been to the place, we’re going there without a guide with just 2 tents and food and water and clothes and, in my case, 2 cameras loaded with film. One of them is a Nikon FE10 SLR, so don’t be wondering why I still use film. The other is…well…(*blushes*) a frickin’ point and shoot camera, the simplest kind. I know I should get myself a digital camera already. But soon enough, soon enough.

I was a bit disappointed today because I had a film developed and there were too many wasted shots courtesy of my moody shutter curtain (or shutter release button, whichever was being stubborn). Really, I had good subjects and great shots waiting to be taken during my Fort San Pedro trip last weekend, and the shutter just refused to budge! Everytime I pressed the button, all I heard was a dull click and no snap. GRRRR. Add that to the fact that it’s been 3 years since my Basic Photography class, and I haven’t used my SLR in a long time, so I still had a tendency to mess things up. Aaaargh I need more practice!

hurry up & get here

This is going to be a long post.

I haven’t really felt like posting lately, though I’ve got tons of thoughts I’d written on paper these past nights when I couldn’t sleep.

But tonight I was listening to my mp3s as usual, and one of the songs ultimately prompted this post.

Don’t you hate it when songs strike home so hard, it hurts? Sometimes a song gets to me so bad, I immediately go into an instant mood swing the moment I hear it. The moods would range from being royally p*ssed, sadly pensive, to being downright depressed — depending on the song, of course.

Well tonight my mood has switched to being sadly pensive, so much that I feel like drowning in thoughts and memories. All because of this song:

Love Song For No One
by John Mayer

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I’m jaded
I hate it

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
(get here)

Searching all my days just to find you
I’m not sure who I’m looking for
I’ll know it
When I see you
Until then, I’ll hide in my bedroom
just staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You’ll be so good
You’ll be so good for me

(more…)

reminiscing

Last night on my way home, I heard a voice that I’ve sorely missed hearing around the office.

"Martine!"

Only one person ever in all of Bigfoot called me by my 2nd name. Jai.

I looked around and spotted him sitting with a group at one of the tables outside the downstairs coffeeshop. I waved, and he waved gaily back.

"How are you, girl?" he asked me, and all I could say was "OK" with a little laugh. I wanted to say "I miss you" but didn’t want to be misinterpreted by the people he was with.

I am very fond of Jai. I like him very, very much, not in the mushy, romantic sense, mind you. I like him as a person, as a friend, as an uber-fun guy to be with. He was one of those male friends you can hug and cuddle and make beso-beso with in the strictest platonic fashion.

Seeing him then made me reminisce old times and recall all the friends I had who were like him — my bros in the community, my kuyas in the ministry, all the good guy friends I had from high school to college…

I miss cuddling up to a guy knowing that my actions will not be misunderstood, to seek comfort in a guy’s arms without fear of malice, to make lambing and pa-cute without getting conscious or discomfited or embarrassed, and simply receive genuine friendship and companionship.

I miss all those friends, and all those times.

(more…)

as long as it’s rock

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing. That doesn’t mean you don’t rock out… You just rock out with meaning. For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

Took this quiz way back. I don’t really know if Emo is bad or good, but I do like rock, and it’s right — lyrics ARE my thing.

back from the dead

Whoo! A fresh, new blog.

I feel so evil having 2 accounts here. Hehehe. But anyways, I’m going to migrate all the stuff in my other account to here, and I’ll be using this URL from then on.

The reason I got myself a new account is simple. I wanted to change the domain name.

Anyway, ’nuff said about that and on to other things. I only just got back to work last Tuesday afternoon after getting sick for 5 days. Can you believe I had chicken pox? And for the second time, too. I thought chicken pox only hits you once in your lifetime?

Needless to say, I had to go into hibernation, without anything worthwhile to interest me. I endured a 5-day cycle of eat, sleep, watch TV, and more sleep. I suffered 5 frickin’ days of no bath. Ugh! I wanted to take a bath; kept asking my mom if I could, but she said why don’t I just towel-wipe to be safe.

When I finally got well and was in the bathroom and felt the water on my skin, it was HEAVEN. I almost didn’t want to get out of there. All I wanted to do was soak in heavenly water.

And I got quite a surprise when I reached the office. There was a bunch of balloons on my desk, and a huge cake. My workmates chipped in to buy me a "Welcome back from the dead" cake, from Red Ribbon no less! Ain’t that so sweet? This never happened to me before!