let’s make happy moments~ « ++ Panyang’s Asylum ++

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let’s make happy moments~

Friday, September 5th, 2008

I’m supposed to be working. It’s 6:22 as I write this, and I’m supposed to be doing something. But as I stare at my screen I feel my mind glaze over and begin to hibernate, and I can’t remember what it is I should be doing.
Where to start? What to do?

Ah~ I want to learn Nihonggo. But that’s not really what I should be keeping my attention on at the moment. Sigh~ My addiction is pulling at the strands of my being, and I feel torn.

Torn between being an ordinary girl who crushes on unreachable stars and turns giddy over mere pictures, and the quiet girl who focuses on her dreams to write and BE someone to look up to.

Strange. All my personalities always seem to be at war with each other. I always fall back into any one of them at any one time. Could I ever turn them all into one strong, cohesive force, I wonder?

I want to be a strong person. But I want to become strong in my own way. I don’t want other people to push their concepts of strength at me, telling me that this or that is what I should do, that this or that is wrong, that I am not on the right path.

I know some people mean well. But if I am not happy doing something, why should I keep doing it, right? If being somewhere makes me feel like I am out of place, why should I stay there? Why lose my sense of self just so I can be with others and get them to like me?

Life should be about making as many happy moments as one can. I am tired of living up to expectations that aren’t mine. I am sick of acting the way others do just for acceptance. I should be more myself, so that I can make more happy moments.

That said, I should wake my sleeping brain and get back to work.

Posted by panyang at 6:47 pm | permalink

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September 2008
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a fresh start

i figured it was time for new beginnings. the old asylum was getting rather crowded, what with three years worth of lamentations.

so i have moved to a new home, a spankin' new asyLuM. if you miss the old one, you can still read my laments of yore here.

welcome, then.

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leave a footprint

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