introspection

it seems pretty ironic that, now that i have my own pc, i still can’t update my blogs as often as i ideally should. i am battling that age-old dilemma of wanting to do too many things at once.

i’ve been reading other people’s blogs. other writers’ blogs, in particular. and one thing i can conclude is: my writing has turned stagnant. sometimes i don’t want to admit it to myself, but i know that i am less inspired than i used to be.

ideas don’t come as quickly, and i feel like i’m floating in a void. is it because my mind has grown tired? if i had the money, i’d go away for a month, sequester myself in a cottage by the sea, and write to my heart’s content.

or is it the disillusionment of adulthood? in a sense, i never wanted to grow up. i wanted to stay in that age when dreams seemed so bright and enchanting, when i thought fairies were real and knights in shining armor existed in distant magical castles.

even so, reality was always creeping round the corner, and i know that as long as i am sane, i will never escape it.

this is not to say i wanted to go mad and live in illusions forever. it’s just that sometimes reality can be disheartening, and people can hurt you.

i hope that with this post, i have retrieved what i thought was once lost: the habit of blogging without really caring if people understood me. because i’ve found out that, despite my misgivings, there are others like me. when i read their blogs, i understand. and when they read mine, they know. and no words need be said. just a simple sharing of thoughts between like minds.

i’ve also discovered that the people who really know me well enough don’t actually need to understand. they just read beyond the words and straight to the heart of me.