Yes, it’s the inevitable Valentine’s day rant.

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

Ugh. It’s that day again. V-day. The day when couples and lovers innocently mock us in their saccharine bliss.

No offense to couples out there; these are just the frivolous ramblings of a single, unattached female deep in the throes of envy.

LOL.

I was thinking of passing up on a Valentine’s day post (I believe I did that last year) and just ignore the whole world. Hole up inside a bubble of oblivion and pretend the blasted day never came.

But… flowers are so hard to resist.

No, no one gave me flowers (dear God, i wish i was lying!) nor was I able to buy myself flowers even though I badly wanted to (I’m broke until payday). But the mere sight of them broke through my self-imposed apathy.

I adore flowers. To me they are Nature’s fashion accessories, the jewelry with which she proudly adorns herself. Yes, flowers make me happy. (I did say I was a sappy sentimentalist, didn’t I?)

And so, last night, seeing the frenzy in every flower shop along the route home, I laid down my shield of detachment and gave in to the romantic in me.

I spun fantasies in my head, involving certain people and flowers. And hand-written love notes. And chocolates. And me screaming in stunned surprise and delight.

Oh, hell.

craving for apathy

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

Is apathy really so bad?

A friend once said that apathy was one of her best friends. I’m beginning to think that I might very well agree with her.

It would probably seem like quite an unlikely picture, me being the sappy dreamer that I am. My friends would either laugh at me or think that something has seriously gone wrong.

But I guess it’s not really that far-off an idea, you know, for a sentimental, head-in-the-clouds type of individual to see the other side as sanctuary when being haunted by aching, lingering pain. I sure would hightail it there, if it meant asylum.

Sometimes I just get so weary of certain circumstances. Have you ever felt that it’s so unfair when, here you are, in pursuit of your own bliss, and events or people around you are unwittingly trying their damnedest to sink you back into despair?

It’s not fair to have to depend on other people for your happiness. It leaves you open and vulnerable to disillusionment. And I tell you, that cuts like a freshly sharpened stainless steel knife.

Rage, rail, rave, and roar, says I.

Tuesday, February 5th, 2008

One thing that really gets my goat is people’s misconception that because I am a writer, I can spew out lines of copy with a snap of my fingers.

Or their fingers, to be more precise.

I am not a robot, nor am I a production worker. I work with words inside my head. Have they never heard of creative thinking time? And there IS such a thing as writer’s block.

I swear, some people think we’re like a fast food restaurant. They order something and expect to get it in less than 15 minutes.

I’ve tried to explain many times that it just doesn’t work that way. Specifically, I don’t work that way. I need my thinking time if you want anything above crap.

And the other thing I really hate, sometimes enough to want to blow someone’s brains out, is being interrupted when I’m writing or thinking. A line of thought can be as delicate and tenuous as mere thread. One strong jolt and it breaks. Oftentimes, it scatters, and you have to go find and piece the fragments together again. Sometimes, those fragments get irreparably lost.

So I think my wrath is understandable in these cases. Although, I don’t really erupt in rage to show how upset I am. It makes matters worse, and besides, think of the stress and all the energy I must expend to work up a fury. I do get quite moody, though. Some people know me enough to realize the danger signs, and stay away.

For those who don’t, well, I might just snap. =P

It happened once. I was writing an article for a paper, and this alien from outer space decided to butt in and wouldn’t stop bugging me.

alien: So, Stef, I was wondering what you think about blah blah blah…?
me: Hmmm? (taps keyboard noisily)
alien: You know, I was just thinking what your opinion is blah blah?
me: Eh? (continues to type noisily) Sorry, I’m still writing…
alien: Just for a moment, I just wanna know blah blah…
me: (gives short answer and pointedly goes back to typing noisily)
alien: But what if blah blah blah blah?
me: Please? I’m trying to write.
alien: But I’m only blah blah…
me: Will you please shut up and let me concentrate? I need to finish this and YOU ARE BUGGING ME!
alien: (looking crestfallen) Stef, I never thought you could be so maldita.
me: (shoots fire from eyes and thinks you better leave now or you’ll see exactly how MALDITA I can be!)
alien: (runs away)

:P