a story of rain

11/14/2007

i have a love-hate relationship with rain.

when the rains first came at the turn of the season, i was glad. it
wasn’t just because of the respite from the blistering heat. i don’t
know, somehow it reminded me of childhood and carefree days. days when
STRESS was a word i’ve never even met.

everytime it rained, i wanted to run outside and frolic under the
raindrops, jump into puddles and go splash, splash, splash! i wanted to
make little paper boats and sail them on murky pools of rainwater. I
wanted to have a glass window so I can watch the drops glide down on it.

i remember walking in the rain a few days ago. i had my jacket on, the
hood pulled up over my head. i was giggling to myself, and i made my way
down the street with a foolish grin on my face. i was happy.

i got caught in a fierce downpour once, too, around two weeks ago, on
the way home. i had to walk a block from the jeepney stop to my house,
so i calmly rolled up my jeans, put up my umbrella, and walked leisurely
down the block. laughing to myself, braving the wide puddles, and even
forgiving the drivers who splashed water all over me as they sped by.

people stared at me. but i was happy then, too.

and then there were the days when i wished the rain would just wash me
away into nothingness. for it to batter me down into a useless puddle,
or hammer at me until i vanish into vapor. days when rain’s big cruel
drops became blatant reminders of tears needing to be shed, of bottled
emotions screaming for release. days when i felt like an insignificant
speck of dust being rinsed away, forgotten, alone, unmade.

i had one such night not so long ago. standing on the curb under my
umbrella, wanting to weep, wanting to scream. i felt like my feet had
taken root so i could not move, but the world paid no heed and
arrogantly passed me by, leaving me to the merciless beat of the
raindrops.

o rain, if i should write an ode to thee, it would be bittersweet
indeed.