lost in a fantasy world

…in the Universe of the Four Gods.

actually it started like this. i wanted to write. but i was so damn torn. i couldn't decide which one to work on, and i just wasn't inspired enough to choose. my fault for starting too many storylines i couldn't finish. *sigh*

i thought, maybe i should watch something to inspire me to write. so i went on a fushigi yuugi marathon. the result wasn't so much inspiration as being drowned in a whirlpool of emotions. i watched all 52 episodes for 2 nights straight. now i'm hovering between the fantasy world and the real one.

fushigi yuugi always has this effect on me. it is my favorite anime to watch if i just want to forget the real world for a while. so there i was, holding back tears until the end.

i'm a sucker for true love, and i envy Miaka and Tamahome. which is silly, i know, for they're not real. they're made-up people in a made-up world. a love like that will probably never exist in the real world. this world is cruel, and reality is a pain in the ass.

sometimes, in the back of my head, i wish i could escape reality for good and live in my fantasy world forever. i haven't told this to anyone because i'm sure they'll think i'm strange. that i'm losing my mind or something. they don't understand, i guess. i'm tired of trying to make people understand. there was a time when that was all i ever wanted, to be understood, but i don't give a damn anymore. judge me if they must, but they better not dare tell me what i can and can't do.

i'm just a foolish girl with foolish dreams, and if i have to be foolish to be true to myself then so be it. and if diving headlong into a fantasy world is one way for me to be happy then leave it be. i want that one great love, i want to live in enchantment, and i want my happy ending. this is why i've become a  writer. this is why i write.

to write is to live, and to live is to be ME.

so leave me alone if you don't want to kill me.